So I’ve been sitting with my laptop at this coffee shop for about an hour trying to think of an eloquent way to describe my Menomena experience. Unfortunately, I keep finding myself at a loss for words. At least, at a loss for more . . . refined words. So I’m just gonna go ahead and tell it like it is when I say:

Menomena’s performance made me fucking cream my pants.

I already knew that their music was damn sexy. I am the Fun Blame Monster is chock full of breathy male vocals, haunting keyboard melodies, driving drums, even the occasional jazzy saxophone solo. Now take all that musical sexiness and multiply it by ten and you can approximate how HOT this band is live on stage. And I’m not really referring to their looks, either, though all three members are cute in their own right. It’s their music and their stage presence that left me needing a cold shower after the show. If I smoked, I would have needed a cigarette afterwards. In fact just thinking about it as I write this, two days later, is getting me all riled up.

The body-numbing effect the show had on me began the minute Menomena kicked off with “The Strongest Man in the World,” the hottest song on an album full of extremely hot songs. (Let’s count how many times I can use the word “hot” in this review). It’s a relatively minimalist song that varies in intensity throughout while drummer Danny Seim sings the words “I am fused out of iron” over and over again in his wispy tenor and boy, did it ever hit the spot. Only three minutes into the show and I’m already melting into the floor. His skills on the drum, meanwhile, were amazing and best displayed in “Cough Coughing,” where the lightning-speed opening drum rolls come at you like an explosion. It was thrilling, really. Meanwhile, guitarist/bassist/saxophonist Justin Harris and keyboardist/guitarist/xylophonist Brent Knopf regularly switched between their respective instruments in mid-song without even missing a beat. Brent spent most of the show seated and hidden behind his keyboard, so all I could see was his head bobbing around with his eyes closed as he played. Dare I say it was hot? And damn, when Justin turned his back on the audience and cocked his hip to rail on that saxophone . . . well, I had a little trouble controlling myself. But when it comes down to it, it’s the vocals of this band that really do it for me. All three members of Menomena sing, something I didn’t realize until seeing them in person. Though their voices are somewhat similar, there are enough subtle differences to really appreciate what each voice brings to their sound. Danny’s quieter, airy voice is perfect in the background and on softer tracks like the aforementioned “Strongest Man.” Justin’s voice is generally strong and he does a pretty good job of pulling off the falsetto. Brent’s voice, however, is my favorite. It’s gritty and resolute and cracks a little when he’s sort of yelling over his own keyboards, and when the show ended with him singing on “Monkey’s Back,” I just about collapsed in my own drool on the grimy Empty Bottle floor.

Apostles of Hustle came on soon after, but I was too busy reliving Menomena’s performance in my mind to notice if they were any good or not. Apparently much of the crowd felt the same way, as it thinned out dramatically after Menomena ended. As I made my slightly inebriated way out of the venue, I passed all three Menomena members one by one, promptly telling each of them just what I thought of the show. To Danny at the merch table: “You’re drumming was so hot.” To Justin by the bar: “You on that saxophone: totally hot.” And finally, to Brent as I walked out the door, “Your voice is incredibly hot.” Because no other word could more effectively sum up that show.

*still drooling*

Check out Menomena's website. That's messed up.